I said in my previous journal that I wish to write more into this abyss named DeviantArt, but now I'm not so sure what to write about. Part of me wonders how it would be viewed if someone read it, especially if it's someone I know. Would they be able to tell it was me? And if so, would they think differently of me if I wrote on a serious topic? I assume no one is going to read my writing, but at the same time I assume that everyone is. Once this is published, it's out there for the world to see. That's why people who write comments or post blogs are so courageous. They want people to read their thoughts, they want people to see them in a certain light. I don't know what kind of light I want people to see me in. I guess I want to be in my own light.
Being in my own light to me means getting to know me as a person. Understanding how I'm thinking, figuring out what kind of life I live or want to lead. Sometimes... It seems like it can get pretty personal. But how personal am I allowed to be on a public forum? I don't know you. How can I trust you to not take this information and do something with it? What kind of information are you talking about? What could I possibly do with any information you give me? . I have absolutely no idea, and that's the scariest. I have a lot of fear within me, but is it wrong to not want to cast it aside? Just so long as that fear within me doesn't dictate my life. I'm here. I'm writing to you now. This takes a lot of courage for me, even if you can't see it, even if you can't recognize it in my written words. My life feels empty without writing.
I haven't written in a while and I feel like something is missing in my life. I'm not a writer of stories or poetry, I'm an analytical writer where I take things and I break them down into smaller parts. I'll take this door and break it, wondering why the creator chose these pieces of wood to make this masterpiece. Even if it's not a masterpiece and it's not meant to be artistic, it was made, and it's here for me to analyze. Let me find every capable splinter and let me find every smoothed edge. Maybe I'll see that this door isn't like any other door because this finish was picked out specifically for this door; maybe I'll prove that it's wood like so many others before me. The journey is that I am figuring it out for myself. I am doing the work, which means I will see my own results, come up with my own conclusions and figure out my own answers.
What is my next subject going to be?